Garbage Movies – Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)

It’s not that Batman doesn’t kill people, it’s that Batman shouldn’t kill people.

Spoilers

Hi guys. You may have noticed that I did not post anything yesterday. My posting reviews for the next few months may be a bit sporadic, as I am kind of consumed with school work and other projects, and I don’t have the whole next month scheduled to upload like I did a few months ago. I’ll still try to post My Favorite Movies every Wednesday and Lists and Garbage Movies when I normally do. However, my list ranking the best picture noms may be delayed until Sunday, as I still haven’t seen every nominee. Ok, cool? Cool.

Batman v. Superman is the worst superhero film I have ever seen. I find it to be an utterly repulsive, pretentious, offensive film with absolutely ZERO redeeming qualities. I emphasize the word pretentious, because it is the that pisses me off the most about this film.

As a fan of more experimental cinema, a lot of the films I love get called pretentious. I can’t help but feel like people do not know what the word pretentious means. According to Google’s dictionary, the word ‘pretentious’ means this;

Attempting to impress by affecting greater importance, talent, culture, etc., than is actually possessed.

In order to illustrate that Batman v. Superman is one of the most pretentious films ever, I would like to compare to another film. I am a fan of the YouTube channel Jacksfilms, and in a recent video, his fianc√© said that Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, my 11th favorite film ever, was pretentious, and generally made a bunch of other inaccurate remarks about it. So, since that instance particularly offended me, I thought I’d use it as an example.

ESOTSM is most definitely not a pretentious film. It has a point to it, its main theme is about the pain that people feel when they go through a breakup, and how they deal with it. People impulsively want to forget the whole thing, but, sooner or later, they start to appreciate the good times they had, and ultimately end up not regretting the whole thing. All of these ideas are explored completely, every plotline in the film is resolved with a genius twist, and it never acts like it is an important film. Charlie Kaufman wrote the story in the way that he did, because he wanted to tell a fairly unoriginal story in a way that is incredibly unique and creative. His dialogue is poignant and greatly written, upon reflection, everything the film makes sense, and all of the characters have mostly distinct personalities. Plus, on top of all that, there is a ton of talent going into the project. I didn’t really talk a lot in my review about Michel Gondry’s direction, but it is no worse than anything Spike Jonze ever did with Kaufman’s work. Of course Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet give what are probably the best performances of both of their careers. Basically Sunshine meets none of the requirements needed to be called pretentious.

Batman v. Superman meets every criteria needed to be called pretentious. Tell me, what would you say is the theme of Batman v. Superman? Probably something about God, or whatever, right? Well that’s exactly my point, you cannot pinpoint a specific idea or concept in BvS that is explored thoroughly, or has any sort of baring on the ideas of the film. Jesse Eisenberg in this film is basically an edgy teenager who thinks he is too cool for Atheism, but also too much of a “skeptic” to go to church with his parents. He has no actual beliefs or genuine concerns about the morality of God, he’s just saying that to illicit a reaction, and that’s exactly what this film does. It throws a bunch of flashy, supposedly symbolic imagery at you, and expects you to just assume that it has something to say, when everything it is doing is just to keep you watching. Nothing anyone says in this film ever ends up having any weight, or making you think. It is affecting greater importance¬†than it actually has. On top of that, the central conflict in this film is terribly written. Batman doesn’t like Superman because Superman kills people. This would be fine if the movie lined up with the traditional portrayal of Batman, and didn’t have him blatantly kill people in multiple scenes. But it does. Superman doesn’t like Batman for reasons that are mostly unclear, but from what I can gather, it’s because Batman is a vigilante who enforces his own justice. But Superman does exactly that when he kills all those terrorists at the beginning just to save Lois Lane, when he doesn’t ask for permission or assistance from the military to attack Zod in Man of Steel, and when he assists Zod in destroying and entire fucking city. Basically what I’m saying is that the character’s motivations don’t make any sense, which shows that the writers of this film are pretending to have more talent than they really do.

Now, some of you are probably thinking something to the effect of “Oh, it’s just a dumb fun superhero movie, you’re taking it too seriously, you’re expecting too much out of it,” to which I would reply I expect nothing from any movie but to succeed at what it is trying to do. This movie did not have to have all the side plots and extraneous not-themes that it does, it could very easily have made itself a fun, Marvel-style superhero film (Although, as Wonder Woman proves, DC fails even when they try to do that), but instead, it does what I said it did, and you have to judge a film based off of the end product. And the end product here offends me as a film fan, and ought offend everyone who saw for pretending to be smart, and condescending to their audience.

Garbage/10

Thank you, and remember kids, don’t let cunts like Zack Snyder and the producers of these films treat you like idiots.

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